compiled by Leon
Ingenious Simultaneous Translator
A famous writer who was visiting Japan was invited to have a lecture at a university to a large group of students. As most of them could not understand spoken English, he had to have an interpreter.
During his lecture he told an amusing story which went on for rather a long time. at last he stopped to allow the interpreter to translate it into Japanese, and was very surprised when the man did this in a few seconds, after which all the students laughed loudly.
After the lecture, the writer thanked the interpreter for his good work and then said to him, "Now please tell me how you translated that long story of mine into such a short Japanese one."
"I didn't tell the story at all," the interpreter answered with a smile. "I just said, "The honorable lecturer has just told a funny story. You will all laugh, please."
There was an old story about the early days of computer translation. The CIA was interested in translation programs because of the tremendous volume of information they had. There simply weren't enough transcribers with linguistic training to transcribe them. One of the major computer companies came in with a program that was supposed to translate from English to Russian and Russian to English and solve the problem. To test it, the representative of the company said, "Just speak into the microphone. On the screen you will see what you have said." So, thinking for a moment, the CIA guy went over and said, "The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak."
The machine cranked and groaned and there in Cyrillic letters across the screen was some Russian. Well, he didn't speak any Russian so he didn't know whether it translated it accurately. "Can you make it translate back into English and we'll see whether it got it right?" he asked. So the guy went over to the keyboard, pushed a couple of keys and translated it back into English. Only it said, "The vodka's O.K. but the meat is spoiled."
An English teacher was explaining to his students the concept of gender association in the English language.
He stated how hurricanes at one time were given feminine names and how ships and planes were usually referred to as "she". One of the students raised their hand and asked - "What gender is a computer"?
The teacher wasn't certain which it was, so he divided the class into two groups, males in one, females in the other, and asked them to decide if a computer should be masculine or feminine. Both groups were asked to give four reasons for their recommendation.
The group of women concluded that computers should be referred to in the masculine gender because:
1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
2. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
3. They are supposed to help you solve your problems, but half the time they ARE the problem.
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer, you could have had a better model.
The men, on the other hand, decided that computers should definitely be referred to in the feminine gender because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
Joke for English/Korean Bilinguals:
Preface: I heard this joke from a friend of mine. Korea has one official language (Korean), but there are various regional accents/dialects. The Pusan accent is particularly interesting. All Koreans are familial with the Pusan dialect, but if you are not Korean (and don't speak Korean), you'll need to know the following lexical items:
Watdae means: "It has come."
Muondae means: "What are you talking about?"
Beoseudae means: "It's the bus."
Joke: One day a Korean lady was standing next to a Foreigner at a bus stop in Pusan, Korea. They were both waiting for the bus. Suddenly the Korean lady shouts, "Watdae!" and looks at the foreigner. The foreigner, thinking she was speaking English to him, answers, "Monday! "The Korean Lady hearing this, replies, "Beoseudae" Of course the foreigner still thinks she is speaking English, so he says, "Happy Birthday!"
My favorite "Sa, Wu-jeong" Joke
Preface: A few years back there was a popular animated cartoon based upon the Chinese classic, "A Journey to the West". The four main characters are:
In the cartoon (not the book), Sa, Wu-jeong is hard of hearing. So, a plethora of Sa-Wu-jeong Jokes came into existence (in Korea, not China). Please notice that in Korean and Chinese, family names are always mentioned first.
My favorite one is about English language acquisition:
Here it is:
One day Wu-jeong met a foreigner, and the foreigner asked: "How are you?"
Wu-jeong replied, "My name is Sa, Wu Jeong."
The foreigner repeated his question, a bit more slowly and clearly, "No. Howww aaaare youuuu?"
Wu-jeong thought that his pronunciation was bad so he enunciated slowly and clearly, "Myyy nammmme isss Saaa, Wuuu Jeong."
The foreigner tried one last time before giving up, "No. How... are... you?"
At that point, Wu-jeong began to think that he made another mistake. He thought about it, and at last realized his error. He replied, "Ah... My name is Wu Jeong Sa!"
Date: December 30, 2003 -- Metaphors for sale...
Get your metaphors at eBay NOW!!! before they're all gone!
I'm not kidding; I actually saw this ad on Yahoo!:
Below, there is a list of label instructors on the packages of consumer goods.
This is included on this [my linguistic humor] page, because it is a perfect example of how even some native speakers & some non-native speakers lack pragmatic competence in the target language.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Do not use while sleeping.
You could be a winner!
(the shoplifter special)?
On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how???....)
On some Swanson frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(but, it's "just" a suggestion).
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom):
Do not turn upside down.
Product will be hot after heating.
Do not iron clothes on body.
(but wouldn't this save me more time)?
Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication.
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if
we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
Warning: May cause drowsiness.
(and...I'm taking this because???....)
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(as opposed to...what)?
Not to be used for the other use.
(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
Warning: contains nuts.
Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.
(Oh my God ...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)